Never Will I

Be thinking of how you laugh

and how it makes me happy

 Be searching for your comfort

Be begging for your hugs

Be asking for your kiss

 Be waiting for your calls

 Be looking for your texts

 Be expecting for your appreciation

 Be losing my self-worth

 Be feeling sorry for myself

 Be giving pity to myself

 Be sensing for your affection

 Be hurt for too much loving you

 Never again…

*Some people come to our lives as blessings, some serves as lessons.       

A Year After

      Me and a friend in a text conversation:

My friend: Kamusta?

Me: Am I a failure?

My friend: me ganon? ano bang personal goals mo? It’s too early to judge whether you or your life is a failure.

        My friend is correct. It’s too early to judge myself for failing.  Choosing a career path different from what  I took in college is not failing. Not wearing the white uniform does not imply that I am a failure. Having no nursing license does not put me in the quagmire of losing.

       A year after I have graduated, I have my own job which I enjoy doing.I am earning not just financial compensation but most importantly, real life experiences from the corporate world. Not bad for a young professional.

     Though there is financial gain, I can say that money can not replace my passion for nursing, for paintings, for poems  and for proses.

     I envy those who wear the white uniform, seriously. Whenever there is a chance for me to hold a paint brush and dip it in a pail of paint, no second-thinking, I will grab it. This blog site is the materialization of my love for poetry and proses. 

     I will let the fire burn within me.  I will let that love grow. Step by step, I will be able to fix things that I need. I will be able to organize my life. I will be wearing the white uniform, I will be having my nursing license, I will be creating a new painting and this blogsite will stay updated as long as I continue to live. 

    I will love and continue loving. I will.

     “The Personal Legend may be abandoned for a certain time, provided one does not forget it and returns as soon as possible.” - Paulo Coehlo

A Point

            Sane humans are naturally ambitious. We are simply insatiable. Even simpletons are not excempted.

            We want this. We want that. But the point of question is HOW?

             Oftentimes, we stare blankly at the wall thinking about our dreamland with our dream boy/girl in our dreamlife unknowing the great length of time spent for such daydreams. To dream is good. However, to dream forever is unrealistic. For us to make our dreams come into reality, we have to wake up.

             Life offers us a lot of open doors. It just asks us what among those doors should we enter. It challenges us what type of decisions whould we make.

            At this moment, the first thing we need is to courageously make a strong point and stand from it. What are your purposes in in life? What are your priorities? How far can you go once you have entered that open door?

             Have you ever asked yourself the question why are you living right up to this very moment? What makes you live? The answer is, your PURPOSES in life.

             Each of us has purposes in life. Some wants to become His good child. They want to become missionaries who spread His words or philantropists who help those that are most in need or just someone who would like to make this earth a better world. Others simply want to enjoy life at its fullest while they are alive. And definitely, most of us lives to become triumphant in hitting the championship of the game called life.

             Life purposes define the things we want to pursue and the things we can’t live without.

             The thrill does not end in knowing the things we like to happen in our lives. After we have determined our purposes, how long can we continue holding on to those purposes?

             Life is full of temptations. It has so many crossroads. It is so enigmatic. If we will not clear our minds, we will be lost in the puzzle. How to remove the dark cloud covering our purposes in our minds? PRIORITIZE.

             Life seems to be so complicated and setting priorities breaks it down into basics. Teach yourself how to define important from absurd. Accept the principle of discipline.

             What if a friend asks you for an outing but you have already scheduled that day for studying, can you refuse?

             We should always be reminded that time is a primary component of our lives. It is one of life’s limitations. Learn to say NO if you need so. Learn how to discipline your id. Be firm to your priorities. Put first things first if you really want to reach your dreams.

             The distance we can go after we have entered the door basically lies on how we mean our purposes and on how we keep our priorities. The distance lies on our HEART.

             If we really LOVE the point we made, we can stand from any storm. We can reach our destinations.

             Now start.

             Make a point. Leave a mark on the peak of the summit called success.

Absence

            Lying on the bed surrounded by books unread, notes untouched, pen unheld, battery emptied cellphone, disks and a DVD player ignored. Widely open eyes seem not to see the surrounding. Staring on the plain wall. Thinking of nothing. Floating  on a blank space. This, I call freedom.

             Self-induced absence. It is my newly formed bad habit. A practice that could be so dangerous and could be too deadly.

             Absence is the medical condition characterized by a sudden brief cessation of all motor activity accompanied by a blank stare and unresponsiveness. It is a situation in which the person seems to experience a temporary death. My self-induced absence exposes me to a different world. It pushes me closer to my self-disclosed autistic world, a world where there is nothing but I. Oh! I should say freedom and I.

             At times, I may be an escapist. But don’t get me wrong because I am certain, I am not suicidal. I love to live but I also like to have a break.

             Ten seconds, thirty minutes, hours of nothingness. Then I realized, indeed too much freedom leads to anarchy. Longer absence leads to greater freedom which turns into worse anarchy. That is why I said absence could be so dangerous and deadly.

            So now, I have to run over time to cover up those that are wasted. I have to rush for reading volumes of nursing books, writing sheets of articles long due, charging my before-loved cellphone and watching with the end in view of finishing House and Grey’s Anatomy series.

             I have to stop this bad habit of stupid self-induced absence. I hate anarchy.

             We live only once so why should I wish for a temporary death or create my own fate of misery. I am still young and there is more into life – a corporate/nursing/writing career. There are lots of choices.

             Absence just pushed me towards my self-centeredness, towards the empty me. It was my weakness.

             I need to come into light, get up from my bed, go out from my room and face the real world of myriad people. There are those who need help and those who could help me. Openness makes life balanced and harmonious. Take the risk of being rejected, frustrated, of being a failure. Learn from losing. A winner can not be a winner if he stopped fighting from the day he began the battle.

             It is easier to be weak and enclose oneself into self-disclosed autistic world. However, it is more fulfilling to spend time productively by facing life’s challenges with firmness and courage.

            Life loves those who are willing to live it.

             Let life love you. Won’t you?

1/22/11

Where are you now?

Contrast and Comparison

            Megan gets what Megan wants. A spoiled brat, happy go lucky girl who knows nothing but to talk only about the latest in fashion, what’s new in the cinema house, what’s the most techy thing is in, and what other things a girl should have for luxury.

             Anna is a self-reliant working student. She works as a service crew in one of the most famous food chains at night while painstakingly study in the day. She’d like to finish law someday to defend the rights of those who are oppressed. She owns nothing but an old dress, worn aged pair of shoes, a simple yet loved and inspiring life.

             They are both with the same age but with different background and with different life perspectives.

             Tom is a ten year old boy who’s happy about how his family celebrated the holidays watching dancing fountains, colorful and glamorous fireworks and innumerable surprise gifts and myriad toys. He is always looking forward for such occasions.

            Dany is a young man of same age. Last holidays, he is with his father off-shore wishing the sea to keep calm. He is from the family of a fisherman. If they can’t go fishing, they won’t eat. Christmas and New Year for Dany is nothing but just an ordinary day.

            Tom and Dany are both young spirits but are learning different lessons from their lives.

            SM, Robinsons, Glorietta and Rustans. They are all shopping malls but each of them depict economic status. SM is for the basic masses. Robinsons is for the petite bourgeoisies  while Glorietta is for the higher middle and upper classes. Rustans is for the royalties.

Differences. Do they really keep everyone of us apart?

Economic status. Can’t the gap never be removed to make the nation move forward as one?

Who would refuse comfort from economic equity? Who would say no to the genuine peace of oneness?

We only live in one planet. We only live one life. We are collective.

Be good to one’s self. Be the best for the family, friends and strangers.

Everybody is different but all of us are humans.

Accept differences and live each day with love. Love not just yourself, not just for your family and friends. Stretch that love for the strangers, for those who mostly need it, to those who are neglected, to those forgotten by the politicians who spoke sweet promises.

A simple thank you to the janitor who always clean your office desk can make him smile. A one piece of chocolate can make a street child happy. A simple action can make a great difference. If we all act as one, there can be harmony.

Always listen specially to the unspoken. And, if it’s needed, learn to speak loud.

If we learn how to expand the love outside our self-built worlds, we can all be the same. Happy.

Everyone is different but we can all love. Live it.

Start Anew

             I was exhausted and after several minutes, it is the new me.

             Its length leaves me a basket of memories. Its growth reminds me of opportunities grabbed and chances missed, of happiness and melancholy, of love and bitterness, of triumphs and failures. The longer it gets, the greater memories it gains. The more I feel the heavy feeling of carrying a lot of baggage. So to lighten that dark-cloud emotion, I let it be cut. Then I feel like I’m walking on sunshine.

             I love the moment when the scissor starts to renovate my weary-looking hair. Every hair cut is a ton of stress removed from me. Every sound the scissor makes when it touches my hair serves as music to my ears. Its rhythm relaxes my anxious mind. It calms my shaken spirit.

             Having hair brushed by someone else is the most pleasurable thing a lady could experience. It feels as if you are pampered, comforted and protected. It offers me the chance to have time off from the pressures in life, away from the stress of the busy city. It rejuvenates my worn soul.

             I like the way others’ hands caress my hair. It massages my scalp enabling   proper blood circulation in my head. It serves to help the appropriate nourishment of my brain cells allowing me to think clearer and sharper.

             Haircut. It is my favorite de-stressing hobby.

             Feel the scissor, the brush and the caress.

             Try it and welcome the new you!

Iyong Sulyap

Malimit kong inaabangan

Sa tuwing nagagawi sa iyong direksiyon

Mutya’t ningning na tanging sa iyo lamang.

Lagi mong napapamangha

Sa tuwing ika’y nakikita

Ako’y natutuwa.

Matagal-tagal na rin pala

Hindi ko na madalas maulinagan

Ngiting nagbibigay-kulay sa panahong walang buhay.

Hindi na gaya ng dati, lahat nagbago.

Marami nang nasa pagitan natin

Siyang sagka upang masilayan isa’t –isa.

Kagabi napatingin sa taas, nalungkot sa mga ulap

Pilit hinanap ng malabong mga mata

Lamyos ng ngiting wala nang makakatulad pa.

Alam kong gusto mong kumawala

Mula sa ulap na bumabalot sa ‘yo

Kaya naman naghintay mula sa kinatatayuan

Hanggang sa muli’y nasulyapan din kita.

TALA…

Planners and Plans

           “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”.

            2011 na. Bagong taon. Bagong perspektibo sa buhay. Pinaka-angkop na panahon para magplano kung paano papatakbuhin ang buong taon. Ikaw, nakabili ka na ba ng bagong planner? Handa na ba ang new year’s resolution mo? Ano na ang plano mo sa buhay?

            Tradisyon na nga ng lahat ang paggawa ng New Year’s Resolution sa tuwing papatak ang bagong taon. May nagtatagal ng mga ilang buwan, ilang linggo at minsan ay ilang araw lamang. Gaano nga ba kaepektibo ang inihahanda nating New Year’s Resolution?

            Isa ako sa mga taong mahilig magplano. Lagi kong sinusulat ang mga major and minor life goals ko. Huwag ka. Meron pa akong weekly objectives para buuin ang monthly plans. Sabi nga, mas mabuti ang mga planong sinusulat para mahirap makalimutan. Mas maganda din kung ibinabahagi natin ang mga planong ito sa mga kaibigan upang may uumpog sa mga ulo natin upang ipaalala ang mga pangakong minsan nating sinambit para sa ating sarili.

           Ngunit saan na nga ba ako nadala ng mga plano ko at ng paggamit ko ng planner taun-taon?

           Hindi sapat ang mga pangako sa sariling binulong natin sa hangin. Kulang ang kapirasong papel ng mga plano natin sa buhay.

           Mas magkakasilbi ang pirasong papel ng mga plano at mga pangako sa sarili kung hindi natin sila nililimita sa salita lamang. Kailangan natin silang ilapat sa pang-araw-araw nating buhay. Ang ilakip sila sa ating pagkatao. Ang sila’y isapuso. Ang seryosohin. Kailangan nating kumilos kasama ang pirasong papel ng mga plano at ang mga pangako natin sa ating sarili.

           Kailangan natin silang buhayin sa paraan ng pag-aalay ng dedikasyon. Dedikasyon na hindi sila basta-basta lilimutin. Dedikasyong lagi silang panghawakan sapagkat naniniwala tayo sa ating sariling kaya natin.

           At ang magandang mantra ngayong bagong taon, “Kaya ko ito. Kaya kong isagawa ang mga plano dahil gusto kong magkaroon ng mas maliwanag na bukas”.

Let it Flow

      It’s just the first week of January yet I can already feel the pressure brought by the new year.

      Preparation for the upcoming Nursing Licensure Exam, updating the case slips for the Professional Regulatory Commission, reaching the expectations of the ones I love, pushing beyond my limits at work and to always fight in the battlefield of a competitive world. This is my 2011.

      How old am I already? Twenty. Twenty but looking forward to my life at 25.

      I can’t forever be young. Time is running. It’s running too fast. The world will not wait for me. I’m scared of wasting time because time might waste me too. That is why I’m confined in always running after time.

      I’ve been straightly bounded towards my goals.

      I’m afraid of frustrations and of disappointments. My ego can’t take losing. Failure for me is a big NO!

      And at this moment, the only thing I know is that I’m pressured.

      I hate this feeling of confinement. I’m starting to be asphyxiated. And the only savior that I have is myself. Myself because it is my life and I am the one ruling it.

      Before I go any further, let me take this minute to have a temporary escape, few seconds of freedom from the pressures of early twenties.

      Loosen the spirit. Let the tears drop. For a moment, feel the comfort of weakness. Cry.

      Let it flow. Then, be relieved.

      I don’t know why but I always feel happier after I cry. It’s as if crying stimulates my neurons to produce endorphins. Weird but I find strength and motivation in crying.

      Deep breath. Now, go back to reality. Face them.

      I am a grown-up. I am my dreams.

      Someday, somehow, I will be able to feel happiness even without crying hoping that, that day will come like how the sun shines during the dawn - naturally.