Disrupted Momentum

May 7, 2009

 

I thought I’ll make it. I tried hard to be consistent on taking the right track. I exerted much effort to organize my formerly deranged life into a new directed one. I thought it will be a continuous process. I deemed to give it a smooth flow until I will reach what I have aimed. I am almost there. But I stumbled. I failed. My momentum of aiming for orderliness and organized life has been disrupted. I failed.

 

Frustration. Depression. Am I really the certified great loser?

 

I already promised myself not to lose anything that belongs to me, even if it’s just a single peso coin. That I will take care all of my valuables. That I will secure their presence within the bounds of my eyes. That I will handle them carefully so that they will not be taken away from me. That I will hold tightly on them because I don’t want to experience the same mistake again. I want to prove to myself that I have already learned.

 

Disrupted momentum. Where the hell did I commit mistake? Sh***t!

 

I again lost 100 Php. I was walking at the city yesterday to buy our dinner. I thought deeply to give myself an opportunity to decide wisely on what food to buy. I need to be practical now. I have so many expenditures in the school, plus the fare hike, plus the basic commodity price inrease all rooted from the unstoppable boost of petroleum product cost. I really need to budget my allowance and to be a little bit harsh to my stomach for me to survive the turmoil of the “great mole’s” regime. I bought varieties of biscuits and a sachet of juice powder for our dinner which has cost 40 Php. When I brought out the money outside my pocket to pay, I felt as if I have received the last judgement. One 100 Php bill is missing. I searched every corner of my pocket for that 100 Php bill hoping that it was just somewhere there inside. I rattled. I told myself that this could not be! Am I already that too careless?  

 

As you are reading this stuff, you might be wondering why am I over reacting of losing 100 Php. You might be asking what had pushed me to write such article when in fact, it was just a 100 Php bill that I lost. Well, I’ll share you some of my misadventures in life for you to able to relate to the one who wrote this trash.

 

The first time that I lost my valuables was February 14, 2008. I will never forget this day! I trusted too much to the people who sorrounded me during that moment. I left my bag on my chair for few seconds just to get ketchup at the counter for my french fries. When I returned to my place, poooff!… My bag is gone.

 

I lost my beloved bag along with my wallet, cellphone, mp3 and flashdrive which I used to save my term paper and other school requirements.

 

As a result, I needed to buy such items again.

 

Not even after one month, I again lost 3 850 Php. It was wrapped on a paper and it might have been fell from my wallet as I was getting money.

 

I am so stupid. I wasn’t able to think how big the amount that I lost was. I wasn’t able to realize earlier the value of those things which I merely ignored.

 

I’ve been so apathetic.I merely thought that it’s just ok to lose my valuables since I still have my parents whom I can run back when I’m in need of money. I curse myself for thinking that to lose valuables as a habit is just normal since to err is to human.

 

I didn’t think of my parents. It was just I that I am thinking for. I’ve been so selfish.

 

I forgot the blood and sweat my parents had exerted just to provide me a comfortable life. I didn’t think of their sleepless nights during their overtime on their work. I did not think of their selfless sacrifices. I did not give importance to my things which were all from the sweat and blood of my parents.  

 

I am so sorry.

 

I made an intrapersonal deal. I’ll never lose anything that I own. And it hurts that I wasn’t able to make it.

 

But I will never surrender. I will start again. It is still not too late for me to change my attitude towards my things. I still have a chance to improve myself.

 

I will initiate a renewed momentum, something that would push me to achieve my goal which is to care for my things as how I care for the efforts of my parents.

 

*for the people who are trying to change for the better. Just keep on trying. Never let failure stop you.