Ito ang talagang laugh trip!

       muntik na kong mautas sa kakatawa. ngayon lang uli ako nakatawa ng ganito kalakas at kaligaya mula nung other, other, other, other week. Ilang weeks na nga ba akong nawawala? di ko na alam. haaaay.

       Ang puso, ang puso at ang puso. Hindi bumibigay ang puso kundi natatalo lamang tayo. Natatalo tayo sa sariling mga pagkakamali at ang kabilang panig na paghahanap. Ang talo ay ang taong tinignan na talo siya dahil tingin niya ay talo siya. Ang pagkatalo ay nagmula sa pride na ‘dapat’.

      Maraming ‘dapat sana’ pero ito ay laging kokontrahin ng ‘pero’.

     Ang pagkabuo ulit ng puso ay nasa sariling pagpapasya. 

7 am SYNDROME

AUTOMATICITY…

            Starts when I’m seated

            Prolongs as time goes by

            Uncontrollable heightening speed

            Of lucid sound dwelling within

            It’s bursting yet cloaked

            Inside deceiving firmness

            Of pretensive bravery

                                                -Tachycardia.

REFRACTORINESS…

            Irresistable deepening and fastening

            Creating those strange movements

            Of rising and setting

            Abnormalities producing uneasiness

            Slowly pulls me down

            I’m buried within

            Drowned in oxygen, save me!

                                                -Respiratory Alkalosis.

DEVIANCE…

            Stimulated neurons freak

            Run amuck

            Yet with impenetrable density

            They’re trapped and bounded

            Roars and bleeds

            The pressure, it’s rising

            Help me, I’m falling!

                                                -Increased Intracranial Pressure

DECOMPENSATION…

            I’m bursting

                   Drowning

                        Falling

                             Paralyzed

                                    Lost

                                         Shut

                                                And now lifeless

                                                            - Brain death.

What my name means

You entered:&^%$#&&^ *(*^&&$ *())&^%

There are 23 letters in your name.
Those 23 letters total to 94
There are 12 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 4

The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:
Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.

The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.
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How to deal with frustration

             I still have so many pages of the book to read for my class tomorrow. But when I try to think the results of the efforts I make, I get depressed. I am frustrated by the imbalance between my effort and accomplishments. My will power is affected. My motivation is inactivated. I again tend to be rebellious of my own self by doing things that I want to do rather than doing things I am supposed to be and must be doing.

             I shouldn’t be taking a break from the field of academics for lately, I am always outside of its boundaries. However, this time, I realized that it would be the last break which I would take for this semester. I should continue on pushing myself forward despite of the unexpected hurdles on my path. Anyway, nobody would save me from this quagmire of helplessness except my one and only self.

             After minutes of freedom from the cruelty of reality, I let my heart and mind wander to search my lost self buried down the deep hole of frustration.
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Kapag galit

            Ibaling sa keyboard.

            Badtrip! Marami ka nang nasaktan. Badtrip! Para ka nang baliw. Badtrip! Monster ka talaga. Aaaaaaahhhhh!

            Sana ikaw ngayon ang keyboard para maramdaman mo kung gaano ako galit. Badtrip ka talaga! Badtrip. Badtrip. Badtrip! (Ctrl C+Ctrl V) ^nth

                Sana maumpog ang ulo mo, marealize mo na masyado ka nang harsh. Sana maumpog ka!!!

            Sana madulas ka! Sana mabilaukan ka habang umiinom ng favorite mong juice!

            Badtrip ka talaga!

            (Sige lang, ilabas mo na ang lahat ng galit mo. Tomorrow would be a new day, another chance of proving yourself not to him but to yourself pa rin :) Dapat nakamove-on ka na bukas. Dapat hindi ka na galit!)

            Badtrip. Badtrip. Hinayupak. Balahura. Badtrip!

            Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Nanggigigil talaga ako. Badtrip ka! Badtrip!

            Monster! Monster ka! Badtrip! Badtrip!

_____________ (Ctrl A + Ctrl C + Ctrl V) ^nth_____________

 Haaaaah.

            Ayokong maging hypertensive. Ayokong ma – CVA. Tama na. Hindi na ako galit.

            Sayo na lang silang lahat. Iyong-iyo na ang mga catecholamines. Sana marealize mo na matanda ka na at maisip mo ang implications ng aging :). Good luck na lang sa yo.

            Hindi na ako galit :)  Nakamove-on na ako :)

Let The Sun Shine

           I am not going to cry tomorrow. Today, I will earn the courage to resist the pain of letting go the relationship that once has been well established. Today, I will let myself realize that he does not deserve to be cared for. Today, I will forcibly instill to my mind that he is already not the person with whom we have spent our happy memories with. Today, I will let him destroy himself unconsciously, acting like an insane while he is in front of the class trying to demoralize us.

            Tomorrow, I will be returning to normal.

 
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Of Irrationality

            I would never get my emotion rule over my neurons again. I should have not trusted my emotions. The emotion has put me down the quagmire of unescapable regret. And now, my brain cells are the one which help me overcome the impact of that trauma. Thanks for the realization that it is always better to trust the brain. That emotion is just one of the myriad irrationalities of human species.

            I should have not expected too much from him. I should have not trusted the father-like image he has offered to us. He said that he regrets having us as his students, more do I regret having him as our teacher.

 
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UNSENT

            You’ve been a monster to me during our first encounter. You were a creature with encephalomegaly who didn’t have the soul of a human. From that day on, that monster has been embedded deep down into my neurons (together with the curse I intended only for you). 

            I really prepared for the time when you have to be my superior and I have to be your subordinate inside that room. And as I expected, I was the one whom you had given your initial strike. But I wasn’t affected. I’m already used to that for I believed that the curse will happen on a more appropriate day. 

            I have to admit, you are powerful. From a room overflowing with anxiety, you were able to transform it into a room where wisdom is smoothly shared, the room where the loudest laughters could be heard, more of a home of the family which you and the UNO formed. 

 
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