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Home » Archives » 08. March 2010

OF SELF-ENMITY

March 8, 2010

       Lately, I’m having this consistent sense of hating myself, for being worthless, for being useless, for being so bad, for being a failure, for the world! And I can’t stop telling myself, “wala akong kwenta”, “wala akong silbi”, “ang sama-sama ko”, “sana mamatay na lang ako”, “oo. sana mamatay na lang ako”.

      I’m helpless, desperate, and my world is slowly turning dark. If only self-diagnosis can be valid, then I’ll call myself schizoid, for making my own world; anti-social, for breaking life rules; borderline, for unstable relationships; and paranoid, for not trusting anyone even myself. It’s good I’m not giving in. I still handle not to live in the castles I have made in the clouds.

    Ang tanga-tanga ko talaga! STUPID!

    I can no longer keep those pretentious smiles. And the gravity buries me deep down my self-enmity. Should I close my doors, then I’ll say goodbye.

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