Lately, I’m having this consistent sense of hating myself, for being worthless, for being useless, for being so bad, for being a failure, for the world! And I can’t stop telling myself, “wala akong kwenta”, “wala akong silbi”, “ang sama-sama ko”, “sana mamatay na lang ako”, “oo. sana mamatay na lang ako”.
I’m helpless, desperate, and my world is slowly turning dark. If only self-diagnosis can be valid, then I’ll call myself schizoid, for making my own world; anti-social, for breaking life rules; borderline, for unstable relationships; and paranoid, for not trusting anyone even myself. It’s good I’m not giving in. I still handle not to live in the castles I have made in the clouds.
Ang tanga-tanga ko talaga! STUPID!
I can no longer keep those pretentious smiles. And the gravity buries me deep down my self-enmity. Should I close my doors, then I’ll say goodbye.
hehe… Actually, i have this feeling kasi na no one cares to listen to my stories so i better write them down through this blog. I don’t even care if no one reads this as long as I express myself. And that’s what you call the essence of the word “freedom”.
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hahaha…para kang ako..i feel what you feel,sa blogs ko na lang sabi na raramdaman ko.
Posted by Nursewriter at April 23, 2010, 3:35 am