My First Job

                Never do things for the sake of doing, do things because you are passionate about doing them.

                This is what I have learned from my first job.

                It was April 22, 2010, twenty-seven days after I graduated from college when I signed my first employment contract with a world-class call center company located in Makati, Philippines. I’ve been very particular in reading the whole contract from word to word and between the lines. Actually, I have been hesitant in signing it because I have felt the uncertainty the job has to offer me.

                I took a deep breath, accepted the challenge of whatever feeling of uncertainty that was with it, and began affixing my signature on the contract page per page. After few minutes, the pretty lady from the Human Resource (HR) Department directed me to the training room where lots of new faces imbued with different stories are waiting. I was the last person to join the group.

                As usual, I have introduced myself by first using my famous tagline, “I’m sorry, I’m late”. Everybody laughed. I smiled. Then the trainer said, “Give your introduction by selling yourself to us”. I replied, “Alright”.

                Then my litany – A fresh nursing graduate, student leader and campus journalist of a publication tagged as the Best Broadsheet Nationwide for 2008-2010 during three consecutive years of National Schools Press Conference Competitions organized by the College Editors Guild of the Philippines with Sir Isagani Yambot, the Publisher of the Philippine Daily Inquirer as the Chairman of the Board of Judges.

                Then, I took my seat.

                We discussed American Geography and American Culture. (I hate Americans). The trainer asked us to describe US. I said US ontrols the economic as well as the political power of the world. She said I sound like a Political Science graduate. I said smiling, “I am not”.

                The date of our first salary came; I did not receive my salary on time. I asked my trainer why. She said she’ll try to fix the problem. I was not used to depending on others for fixing issues pertaining to myself. I tried to approach the Human Resource (HR) directly. The HR advised me to follow the standard operating procedure or the protocol which I seldom really follow since I was still studying. I really hate stuffs from bureaucracy. It wastes a lot of time. The HR told me to report the issue to my trainer. I asked an update from my trainer. She said there is no update yet.

                Persistence. I returned to HR and asked them about the contact number of the Payroll Department. They gave the number to me. I called the Payroll Department. The office was already closed. I called them again the next day. They told me the same thing that I have to follow the protocol to fix any issue with my first salary.

                For the third time I asked my trainer for any update regarding my first salary, she said HR has not sent her any update yet. I went to HR (natural activism).

                I informed them again about the issue of my first salary. I did not know if they were either jaded or irritated by the number of times I went through and fro their office so they directly dialled in the Payroll Department to resolve the issue.

                At last! The issue was solved. There had been a data server error and my name was picked and placed to a different site for the salary release so I had to wait until the second payday for me to receive my first (and second) salary.

                Aside from not receiving my first salary on time, I had problems with my log-in information so I was not able to practice scanning the tolls and navigating the systems needed in my line of work.

                So, there.

                Days passed. Expectations went higher. It was the second month and we have to be exposed to live calls already.

                I cannot forget my first call, the tone of the voice of my customer, and my stupidity. It was the most stupid day in my life.

                I used the system from the training environment so I was not able to pull-up the information I needed to deal with the customer on the phone. The customer became upset. He dropped the phone.

                My team leader (TL) stated, “You are using your system under training environment (with a frown). He pointed at the person seated beside me and said’ “Teach her how to pull-up the system under productions (imperative!)”.

                I really felt so embarrassed for my stupidity.

                I have experienced so many hung-ups. I was also able to earn three critical alerts (call violations) in just one call. I have received several incident reports. And worst, I was the lowest performing agent in our team.

                For three months that I have endured my first job, I experienced crying every after shift because of the grave frustration I felt for not being able to hit my daily goals for my digits.

                Though I already found comfort in my team’s company (exception for my TL), I already learned how to enjoy taking calls and how to assist customers in resolving their issues (exception for the presence of my TL), and I already learned how to laugh with both my customers and co-agents (especially when my TL is on leave), I still feel like I have no space for that line of work, that I am of no use because of being the lowest performing agent.

                I am a person who only has low tolerance for frustration and I realized I already shed high volume of tears for the frustration I experienced from my first job. I realized I already need to let go the job because I felt like I am already hopeless, that there’s no other way to let myself improve anymore. Aside from that, I am actually an anti-consumerist. I cannot be a sales person.

                I am not a sales person. I am not used to working in delays. I am moulded to please my clients. I am honed to work on my clients’ concern with urgency. For that, I am not really for the job.

                I was not able to say goodbye properly. The circumstances needed me to move on so fast.

                It was July 22, 2010 when I signed my second employment contract. I started the training last July 26, 2010, my first day on my new job.

                I found the company more employee-oriented. I felt the support for newbie from my new superiors which I was looking for. I love the casual approach of the people from the administration as well as from the management. I enjoy the floor designed with cute stuffs. I like the funny people in the account. I really love the nature of my account. Over-all, I like it better than the first.

                I may have broken the adage “Winners never quit, quitters never win”.

                It is because I do believe that “Greatness does not solely rely on just attacking your goal using your strength. Greatness largely depends on where and how you use your strength appropriately to achieve those goals.

                And, the first step to greatness is accepting your weakness.

                For that, you have to be strong to say you are weak. You should have the strength enough to set aside what you have already started and to save those untangled things that are still remaining.

                In walking through the journey, you should know when to stop and when to track the different route. Both of these will save you from untimely instance of being lost in the jungle which will keep and help you achieve your goal by allowing you to continue the journey still as a whole.

                Quitting is not always bad. When we feel like we already reached the point of levee, we need to stop in order to save ourselves from the gravest harm we could have from moving forward.

                                                                                                                                                     -The Quitter

Of Coke McFloat at 4 am Lunch

      With the stress, frustration as well as depression I am getting from the type of job that I currenly have, I was able to get comfort from enjoying coke Mcfloat.

      Well, considering the serotonin contained on the fudge that sets my mood from being depressed because of being unable to go beyond my self-set expectations, the chill the sundae provides me to raise that feeling of frustration from not hitting my goals, and the caffeine on the coke which stimulates my sympathetic nervous system to activate the “flight/fight” response which I need to combat stress, I assure myself that Coke Mcfloat really suits my need . ^^

     Actually Mcfloat offers a one deal package that addresses my concern so currently, it became my most favorite drink. ^^

     It was 4 am when we had our lunch break. And, I was able to take lunch at the nearest fastfood chain which is just steps away from the building of our company with Bien, the most promising agent for wave 210. (Hooo Bien!)

      Actually, to make that moment not boring for us both, I started initiating a conversation by the method I am actually tagged for - asking questions.

Me: (Looking at the french fries). Napaka-unhealthy talaga ng kinakain ko. laking fastfood ka ba?

Bien: hindi. mas gusto ko yung lutong bahay. Nasanay kasi ako kay mama. wala lang akong choice kasi ito bukas sa ganitong oras at pinakamalapit.

Me: Gaano ka kadalas umuwi sa inyo?

Bien: noon every pay day. pero ngayon every month na lang. Hinahatian ko kasi si mama sa sweldo ko.

Me: wow! ang bait naman ^^. Ako pag umuuwi ako sa amin parang patay gutom lang.

       (Then laughs)

Bien: ako din. kapag nga nagluluto si mama, kahit simple lang sinasabihan ko nang, wow! ang sarap naman niyan ma! ^^

Me: ikaw ba bunso?

Bien: Pangatlo ako. si ate, yung panganay namin wala na. namatay siya dahil sa skit ng puso nung march. si papa din wala na. nagkakanser siya. nawala din nung april.

Me: Shit! magkasunod lang

       (Silence. I was to cry but i just tried to held those tears back and cover my emotion.)

       (Silence)

Me: Ako, di ko kakayanin un. Ang tibay mo naman ^^. Actually yung mga sakit na yun, posible mo ding makuha.

Bien: Actually, I am already diagnosed, Nagpa-ECG ako nun tapos ang sabi sa result, may Premature Supraventricular contraction daw ako.Nosebleed no!

       (I  acted like the diagnosis is unfamiliar to me but I know that Premature Supraventricular Contraction could be a predisposing factor for him to have a more grave heart condition like myocardial infarction or fatal dysrhythmias.)

Me: di ba on-line writer ka?

Bien: Mali pala yung nabigay ko sa yung page nun. easywriters.net dapat yun:

Me: ok lang ba yung narereceive mo from that work.

Bien: ok lang. pero mahirap kasi kapag if ever na may ipaparevise yung foreign student, wala na yung bayad. tsaka masakit sa ulo.

Me: kaya mo yun. matalino ka naman eh. wala ka bang balak ipagpatuloy yung pag-aarl mo?

Bien: ang pangit nga ng course ko.

Me: Mag-mass com ka kaya. bagay sa yo yun.

Bien: eh di ko pa nga tapos yung first course ko tapos lilipat na namn eh di lalong wala akong matatapos (laughs). tsaka kung mamatay lang din namn ako, bakit ko pa kailangang mag-aral at makatapos.

       (Blanked with what to rebut to alleviate  the heavy emotion of the conversation we already have, I tried to divert it to his blogsite).

Me: Nakita ko pala yung website mo. yung patzki.com. 

Bien: saan dun yung nakita mo?

Me: yung sa  blogs. nabasa ko nga dun yung mga kadramaham mo eh.

Bien: ah…

Me: bakit di mo lagi i-update yung blog mo?

Bien: saka lang naman ako nagsusulat kapag stressed ako. anu gusto mo, lagi akong ma-stress?

       (laughs).

       Then I told myself, “so what are you trying to imply, that I am always stressed so I have my blog always updated?”.

Bien: Mahilig ako maglakad. maganda yung exercise.  Dati nalilibut ko pa yung oval sa elbi eh ang lawak kaya nun. ngayon, di ko pa nkakahalahati, hapo na ako.

       (I also wanted to tell, “ako din, mahilig maglakad, kapag nga nalalagpas ako ng isang barangay sa dapat kung babaan, nilalalakad ko na lang. tapos minsan, bigla na lang magugulat mga kasama ko sa kwarto kapag nasa outing kami, kasi paggising nila wala ako tapos malalaman nila, naglakad lang ako ng 30 minutes sa tabi-tabi. ) hahaha!

       (Looking at the wall clock)

Me: tara na.

       We both carried our Coke Mcfloat. We left the corner where he told me his life story. I was able to discover what lies beneath the genuine happy aura his presence gives. I was able to unveil the mystery behind those chunky laughs I am always amazed of. 

       Behind every happiness lies the hardship from winning the struggle. In every triumph lies the positivism of the fighter.

       That a person will not determine the meaning of happiness unless he experienced how to be sad.That a person can not appreciate the sunshine if he was not able to experience the rain.

       (Walking towards the elevator)

Bien: ang sarap talaga ng mcfloat.

Me: nung una ko tong masubukan, una kong kinakain yung sundae. di ko kasi maappreciate yung lasa niya. actually, ’till now, i’m still trying to apprecaite it.

Bien: (laughs) ako din.

       I keep myself on taking mcfloat as it is - mixture of the coke, fudge and sundae, trying to appreciate the real nature of its taste. And as of now, I already do appreciate the taste.

       Like taking mcfloat as it is, I am also trying not to cherry pick the experiences included in the package called life. Like the mcfloat, I should learn to accept the nature of my life and learn to live it with appreciation.

       Lunch break is over. 

       Looking forward for more talks with Bien. Expecting for greater frequency of buying Mcfloat. Appreciating happiness more despite of struggles person should hurdle in life.     

Past, Memories and Future

        “Aramiden yu amin nga mabalinan yu tapno haanak nga matay pangaasi yu. Kayat ko pay nga makapalpas jay anak ko ti nursing. Nurse to met isuna (Please make all you can do to make sure I’m not going to die. I would like to witness my daughter’s graduation. She will become a nurse)”, requested by my father to the nurses at the emergency room when we brought him at the hospital because of the unexpected tragedy that has turned our lives upside down.

       There was my mother crying too hard worrying about the impending death my father could possibly face. I was also there. Tears held back. I had to be strong for my mother. 

        I was at the school busy preparing for election paraphernalia to be used for the student politics campaign. I was then a campus journalist turned student leader who decided to join student politics to let my self grow more. I received a call from my cousin telling about what had happened to my father. I abruptly went to the hospital and directed immediately to the emergency room. 

      That was the most tragic moment in my life, having my father bathed on his own blood and my mother crying too hard. I wanted to break down. But at that time, I decided to be tough and tried to accept what had happened. 

     I just stood beside my mother, silently listening to her as she cried. 

     Almost two years already passed after that tragedy and my family had been slowly recovering and rising again from that turmoil. I am now a nursing graduate. However, I am not a registered nurse yet.

     Having myself left alone, I was able to retrieve this very important memory in my life.  And that memory basically serves as my guide in structuring my future plans. I will not waste the wish my father requested to the nurses during that moment - to ensure he will going to live after that bloody scenario just to witness me achieving my goals in life. 

     That memory always reminds me of my priorities and of the goal I am opt to reach. Also, that experience in my life taught me the “PhD” - poor, hungry, driven attitude (I’m not referring to Doctor of Philosophy though, you might have thought of that for the abbreviation of PhD ^^) that ignites me whenever I am to lose the desire to step higher.

      My life had exposed me to poverty. I had experienced what it feels like to be hungry. And these two things - poverty and hunger, drives me to fight the thrust of laziness and other bad habits that could hold me back from reaching my goals in life. WE, referring to myself and my family already took a step higher and there are more heights to take. I would not allow anything that could put us back to that dim pedestal. I wiould be driving for more, would take higher altitudes, would soar higher.

     I would ensure that I am going to be a competent registered nurse. I would try to shine in this profession. I would make my father thank that “bloody scenario”, the nurses, the doctor and the hospital for giving him the chance to have a second life. 

    I might had put myself a step back from the field of nursing. But that did not mean myself losing the interest towards that profession as what others had in their minds. I just decided to let the desire grow more, to let the passion ignite with higher intensity, to let the drive have the better velocity by knowing myself better, through analyzing the direction those experiences in my life would like me to realize, to ensure of having an effective plan that would  take me in the sky. 

    I would not become just a registered nurse, I would become more than that -RN, MAN, MD, LlB ^^.

    These are for my family, for the second life my father was able to receive,and for the field of medicine which taught me  how to appreciate the happiness of what a complete family could provide to a simple life aiming for great er heights. 

    Try to track your past, retrieve those memories and use those in framing your future. For sure, you would find the right direction to reach success in your life. Treasure the education from your life history, learn by analyzing the meaning of those experiences, and continue your commitment for seeking self-improvement. 

    Let us all climb those altitudes to reach the summit of the mountain and witness the wonderful place awaiting us on that height. See you all at the top ^^.  

Framing Life

     Passion is what gives life “life”. But passion alone is not enough as how water does not suffice the need of the plant to grow. To grow and to reach the top, we need to put direction into that passion. It’s directing the passion that allows us to reach the skies we have wished to reach in our childhood. (i’m always amazed by the sky and loves being with heights) That directed passion allows us to gain the integrity in our old age versus the despair (Erick Erickson’s integrity vs. despair).

     It would be worth the smile reminiscing how we transcended life transitions and survived theme as we sit on our rocking chairs when we already have those white hairs. And we (or should i say I only? ^^)would be able to have that if and only if we start framing life NOW.

    Here are what I think could help me and others direct life to reach what i always look at above.

1. Time management - An inch of time wasted is an inch of gold thrown. Well, time should not only be treated as gold, it should be treated more than that, with a greater value. So I treat time as diamond.^^ For the merchants, time means wealth. For the intellectuals, time means wisdom. For a simple person like me, time is an opportunity to make my life better. So don’t miss and let the time/”opportunity” pass without even recognizing it. Don’t even think about the time abound tomorrow. If you always think that way, you would be ending all the days unproductive. You would be directed to nowhere. Treat every second as your first and last. Don’t waste your time or time will waste you.

2.Financial management - Be futuristic. Save. Don’t buy the culture of consumerism attached nowadays in the urban. If you don’t need to go malling, don’t go. The mall could not give you loan in the future (unless you are an employee there). Be your own insurance. Discipline yourself. Fight the temptation. Think of the things you really need. Think of the unemployed people who does not receive salary. Realize how hard it is in the competitive world to apply for a job. Then actualize how lucky you are to have that money. So treasure it, manage it, let it grow in the bank for future use.

3. Read philosophical/educational materials - Wisdom is the most important weapon in managing your triumph in the battle field. Don’t let those neurons die by always logging in to facebook ^^ (applicable only to myself). But never allow the neurotransmitters go ouside their normal levels (overstudy leading to psychosis^^). Enjoy earning knowledge. Apply them to gain wisdom. Develop the attitude of always seeking self-improvement. 

4. Gauge youself always with the pleasantly bright attitude - Be self-reliant but don’t be self-centered. Be always reminded that even though you are get to attain your individual goal, you still do belong into a system of collectives. First be proactive. Focus on your strengths to widen your control. Then share that strength to others to make the control wider. Contribute in attaining the goal of the collective to improve this piece of land on earth. Don’t be selfish. Picture it this way. You are a circle inside a big circle which is always vulnerable from shrinking and extinction. If you begin from within yourself thus, letting the fight of the bigger circle start within by having you share the pleasantly bright attitude, you’ll get to stop the circle from shrinking and eventually from being extinct. On the brighter side, if you always help others, there would come a time that all people would learn the goodness of helping one another (because some people think of helping as somewhat waste of time specially for the pessimists) for opening the door of common good thus, reaching and actualizing the goal of the collective.

5. Be happy - Positive disposition attracts positive energy. Positive energy enables us to determine the right direction we should take in our lives. Happiness always put on the light in our path. That’s how simple life is. 

      Focus on the important things. Know thy priorities. Treasure the importance of time, money, wisdom, attitude and happiness. That way we could appreciate the fruit of life better - that is, LOVE. 

      Love for the family, friends, for the UNMOVED MOVER, for the world, and for the person who at some point (not applicable to me) could  make life more wonderful than they think it is.

      Well, for me, life is always wonderful so I don’t buy the latter idea ^^. 

      Soar high(er).

Stepping Forward Through Wrong Attempts

        I didn’t thought of living in the city, with the high towering skyscrapers, busy streets, and urban-sophisticated people. I even did not expect myself to use my waterloo, that is speaking as a means for living . Nor did I thought of working with the americans, having to deal with them everyday for what is in my mind before is that americans are just exploiters, racists, and imperialists trying to push people like how bratts act just to get what they want.

        I wanted to live in the rurals, with simple people, green fields, fresh and healthy foods and unpolluted air. However, circumstances pushed me to do otherwise.

         I can still imagine myself when I first took a step in the city, amazed. It was not as stressful as I expected disregarding the inconvenience brought by the heavy traffic and full-packed mrt/lrt’s during rush hours. Everyday is a learning day about life. It seems like this experience teaches me to appreciate the life that I currently have. And this experience widens my ever wandering social consciousness, of how large is the discrepancy between the ruling class and the class being ruled.

        There are people who just waste money for alcohol and unhealthy foods while there are children, thin and filthy sleeping in the cold street, unsure if they had something to eat.

         These scenarios keep me asking why world runs like this. Of how being religious differ from being spiritual. Of how deceit works more effective giving this heart-breaking scenario than true actions for this people. And I always end up with the conclusion that religion is absurd, like just an accessory to look good in the eyes of the majority. Of how people lack the ability to find the difference between religion and spirituality and which thing works better for the genuine common good.

        Well, enough for sociology. Let me go back to my experience in the city.

        There was the contract for signing but there has been a doubt on my mind to hold the pen and do those strokes that could affect my life for six months. But again, me is me. I don’t know why but I’m always vulnerable to making not so sure decisions. However, what is good in that is I always end up standing for the decisions I made, and happy for the positive results of taking the risk^_^.

          My first weeks are not easy since America is not my interest. Well, to give you (as a reader) a means to better understand the plot of this note, I’m a nursing graduate/journalist/blogger/inactive activist turned call-center agent.
(more…)

Greatly Sweet: Placing The Filipino Heart in Rebisco Biscuit :)

    I was walking in front of the TV when the screen glared with an old man having intentional tremors, which at first seemed to be an old man suffering from Parkinson’s disease, a degenerative neuromuscular disease caused by a decrease in the production of dopamine in the basal ganglia, caught my interest. That’s why I stopped walking for a while, and let myself be amazed with the commercial which seldom do happens. 

   The commercial took like more or less two minutes. It started with the scenario of an old man having difficulty reaching the rebisco biscuit placed on the table because of bradykinesia (slow movement) and intentional tremors (the tremor that gets stronger when a person is more likely to get what he desires to do).

   At the other end of the room, there was his granddaughter playing. Eagerly, the granddaughter picked the rebisco biscuit faster than how the old man hardly tried to get it. 

   And, as how our old folks act towards the younger generation, the old man just let his granddaughter grab the rebisco biscuit from the table. I could feel the old man’s intense desire to have a bite of the rebisco biscuit though. Why would he allow himself strive with such difficulty of reaching the rebisco biscuit at the first place? (I already handled a patient with parkinson’s so I know how hard the disease is specially when it comes to movement).

   There, the old man faced the window letting the frustration just go with a breath. But then, with a surprise, the granddaughter teared the wrapper of the rebisco biscuit and gently offered it to the old man. The old man gave the sweet smile and took the most delicious bite on the rebisco biscuit from the granddaughter’s little hands.

  That is the sweetest Pinoy commercial that has touched my stone-densed heart. 

  It basically emphasizes the need for the younger generation to give the essence of caring to our old folks. Of letting them feel that they are given importance despite of the frustration and the feeling of insufficiency they do often experience. 

  Thumbs up for the makers of this commercial! ^_^

WHITE HAPPINESS

LAUGHTERS you ignite
   fire up the room
   with bursting energies
   and positive disposition.

No one could have that.
   No one could give me that.
   The WHITE HAPPINESS
   I felt ONLY FROM YOU.
   

The Audience

STEPS
      of busy people
      as they compete with the movement of the clock
      with colorful faces and fancy wardrobes
      filling the crowded place amidst the city.

AND,
    don’t defend yourselves
    with the principle of free-will.
   

JUST NOW

I’ll gonna make this moment mine
To live this time by owning the world
To mean the smile I make now that I’m alone

I wish I could just disappear
Soar the heights my eyes has seen
And enjoy the panorama, to breath, to feel the space

I want to write
a poem as free as the freedom I held
just to let the long been imprisoned thoughts fly

JUST NOW…

But now is temporary, now is transitional
I Need to move ahead, go forward
NOW is finished…

There’s the world waiting
Time running
Goals pushing

NOW is finished
And, I should work for the next sunrise
for tomorrow, for the future.

HOPING WITH A SMILE…

FiRsT AnNiVeRsArY

       Last March has been our first anniversary as bestfriends, adventurousscribe.i.ph… 

       CoNgRaTuLaTIoNs!!!

       MoRe yeArS To cOmE… mOrE tHoUgHtS To sHaRe… mOrE rEaDeRs To iNsPiRE…

       tOgEtHer, We’Ll flY hIgh ^_^

       I’M SoOoOoOoOo hAPpPpiiiiii